Effective Ways to Help an Alcoholic Parent
Watching your parent become dependent on alcohol and prioritize drinking over family can be very isolating and damaging. Most children with alcoholic parents can suffer the psychological damage of alcohol at such a young age and can carry its negative effects until adulthood. It might feel hopeless, but remember, you are not alone.
If you or someone you know have a parent struggling with alcohol use disorder (AUD), then read on below to explore the many ways in which you can help them overcome their alcohol addiction.
How to Talk to Your Parent about their Alcohol Addiction
Talking to your parent about their alcohol use can be very stressful and intimidating. As their child, you may have either felt fear, resentment, anger, or indifference towards them because of it. You may even feel inclined not to help them.
However, if you still decide to reach out to them, there are safer and more productive ways to start a conversation with them.
- Talk to them honestly about how their alcoholism has affected you and your family with clear examples
- Make sure to speak to them calmly and avoid accusations and judgment so things won’t escalate showing compassion
- Only talk to them when they are sober and calm; this way, they can be able to listen better and not be reactive
- Be vulnerable with them, and share how much you miss them when they’re sober and how different a person they are
- Tell them that you are worried about their health and well-being
- Remind them of how things were so much better and calmer before they developed their alcoholism
Planning the right moment to approach your parent can be very tricky. You’ll also have to think if an intervention with other family members is better or if doing it alone is ideal.
This kind of conversation demands a delicate approach, and you must also be careful with your own safety. Especially if your parent often resorts to aggression or in certain situations outright violence.
Remember always to prioritise your safety and learn when to walk away. One thing to keep in mind is that most alcoholics are in denial of their dependency. If your parent isn’t ready for this conversation, it’s best not to push them but keep your door open to welcome them back.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are
tiny matters compared to what lies within us
What are the signs that my parent is an alcoholic?
While there are many common signs of alcoholism, below, you’ll find specific symptoms to watch out for with your parent.- Drinking at home throughout the day or every night after work
When your parent habitually drinks every time they arrive from work or even resort to day drinking, this can be a telling sign. Alcohol releases endorphins that lower stress levels for most people, and some treat it as a stress reliever. Your parent might turn to alcohol to cope with some stressors in their life, and if this is left unaddressed, they might develop an unhealthy attachment to it. - Always drinking at dinner or when you go out as a family
Another tell-tale sign is when your parent always tries to grab a drink during family celebrations or dinners where alcohol isn’t the focus. They might use alcohol to socialise and relax even if they can enjoy the night without it. - Aggression, anger, and erratic behaviour towards your family
Your parent may lash out at you and your family, say mean things, be aggressive when there’s no need for it, or in certain cases be downright violent. This is an obvious sign that your parent no longer has control over their alcohol consumption. - Not taking care of themselves
When your parents are no longer practising proper hygiene, not changing clothes, forgetting to eat and only drinking, this is an unfortunate sign that their alcoholism is taking over their lives. They might be resorting to alcohol for their problems and are only numbing their pain or struggles through it. - Never being in contact with you if you don’t live together
Last but not least, if you don’t live with your parent/s, they might start detaching from you because they are mostly drunk. Another sign is when they only come in contact with you when they are sober and try to hide their drinking by not contacting you.
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How does a parent’s alcoholism affect their children?
When children grow up in an environment where the harmful effects of alcohol are present, this can be extremely damaging to their sense of self and even influence them to pick up drinking excessively. Growing up with an alcoholic parent may cause irrevocable trauma in their childhood and can bleed to their adulthood. This affects their work, relationships, and mental health.
When children live with alcoholic parents, they can exhibit these signs:
- A reluctance to open up to anyone
Most children living with an alcoholic parent have conditioned themselves to not open up about themselves. Embarrassment over their alcoholic parent or fear can be the main drivers of why they don’t open up. This, in turn, makes forming friendships and trusting people difficult for them. - Low self-esteem
Children often believe that if only they are obedient, good in school, or well-behaved, their parents will stop drinking. Often they think that they are the cause of their parents’ alcoholism especially when relationships at home are strained since childhood. This, in turn, makes them susceptible to having low self-esteem as they develop into adults. - Problems with alcohol
A study shows that children with alcoholic parents are four times more likely to develop drinking problems as well. Since they have been surrounded by alcohol their life, they might view alcoholism as the norm. When they grow up as adults, they are at risk of developing not just alcohol abuse but also other substance abuse. - Fear of conflict or confrontation
Most children who have experienced aggression or violence from their alcoholic parent can become aversive to conflicts and confrontations. Because of the fear they associate with confrontations, this can make it hard for them to express their own emotions and thoughts. - Inability to handle conflict rationally
Another negative effect of seeing your parent abuse alcohol is adapting their unhealthy approaches to conflict. Most children with alcoholic parents don’t know how to handle arguments without aggression because they have only seen their parents resort to it. They don’t know what healthy communication looks like during conflicts in relationships. - A pattern of enablement
Most children don’t know they are already enabling their parents’ alcoholism. They may cover up for their parents, make excuses for their behaviour, and do all the chores in the house to “keep the peace”.
Why You Can’t Force an Alcoholic Parent to Seek Treatment
The unfortunate truth is that you can never force your parent or even anyone who has struggled with alcohol abuse to seek treatment. The decision should come from them, which is one of the most important but challenging steps towards their recovery.
If you or another family remember to force them, this is bound to fail as it will only lead to more strain in the relationship and distrust. Alcoholics are often in denial of their suffering, and this can make it tricky to persuade them.
Remember, it should be their decision to get better first so they can successfully beat alcohol addiction. If your parent isn’t ready yet to do so, what you can provide is encouragement, support, and ensure not to enable their drinking.
Once they finally reach that stage, the next thing to do is help them find a good alcohol rehab centre or help them research and assess treatment options. Let them know that you are there for them at this stage of their journey.
It may be a difficult journey, but the important thing is to prioritize your own safety and that of your loved ones. Some people need tough love, and some need encouragement more than others. If things worsen, you can walk away and preserve yourself, but leave your door open once they are ready to get help.
What to do next
Helping an alcoholic parent is no easy feat and demands courage on your end. If they finally seek treatment, this can help them reclaim their lives. Another thing is that their treatment can also be healing for you in some ways. While the journey may be challenging and overwhelming, remember that their alcoholism is not your responsibility. It’s always important to take care of yourself first and foremost.
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Our highly trained advisers are available to speak to you right away, simply call 0808 252 3379 today.
We can discuss your concerns in complete confidence, explore the options for treatment, and help you to understand what will work best for you.
We’ll also help you to book your free alcohol addiction assessment there and then, with appointments usually available within only a few days.
We understand that taking the first step can be the most difficult, but we’re here to support – with no pressure or judgement.
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